Be Careful What You Wish For

It has been approximately eight months since my last blog entry. This might have something to do with the fact that my firstborn is now ten developmental months (forty weeks old). Juno was right when she speculated that babies were "quite the time suck." It has also been seven years since I have moved back to Trinidad and six years living in the same apartment. I think it is safe to say that we don't go more than a month without having some sort of issue related to our rental. BC (before child) my husband, chihuahua and I were a lot more tolerant of the constant issues. We also love our location so we would continue to put up with the *insert expletive*. Life goes on...

Aside from the reality that I do live on an island, I am particularly fair skinned and motherhood just took that to a whole new level. I think I'm usually somewhere between egg shell and alabaster. Now, I do believe in The Secret and the power of the Universe. Not to the extent of those idiotic girls who got a show on the E channel and were part of the Bling Ring who robbed Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and some other "talented" celebs. But, I do think there is some truth to what you put out "there" is what you attract. So in true "Secret" form I visualized sun. I had been out of practice for a while and forgot to visualize exactly what it was that I wanted.

My husband took a business trip and my mom filled in to help with baby. She brought some Starbucks coffee (instant). Yes, we finally got a Starbucks in Trinidad but they don't sell the Via Instant. My husband bought some ground Starbucks coffee for me before he left. I asked them over the phone why they didn't sell the instant. They replied that they didn't think it would sell, but would now think about it. So if we do get the instant packets, I will take full credit for that.

Low and behold, week one went well.

Week two: Mother drops wedding ring down bathroom sink. No problem. Thanks to endless plumbing issues, I got this! Retrieved in under a minute. Then, the kitchen sinks back up. Husband had thrown out plunger but not replaced it. *Insert another expletive* I purchase another, stand up on the kitchen counter and use my body weight to plunge the double sink. Nothing. It was a Friday, and mind you, in the fifth world I might get a plumber on Monday. So for the weekend, I toted draining boards full of dishes out to the hose down by the pool to wash my dishes in true ghetto form. But guess what I got? A semi tan! Thanks universe.

Then, after six years of shady electricians provided by angelic landlord and insanely high electricity bills, we find out that we have been paying for an outdated water heater that works overtime, not only for our apartment but also for the one below *more expletives.* We decide to confront the landlord about our electricity bill that is half the amount of our rent. He was away and unwilling to do anything about it until his return. Normal scene. I put it out "there" again that this situation would be over. Thanks to the universe, the water heater just stopped working. So I guess that took care of that. Cold showers morning, noon and night for me and baby. *Double expletive*. We will never ever ever ever ever see a dime of that money back. But his Rolls Royce, Bentley and several Mercedes are safely parked in his covered garage.

Just when I was about to grab our passports and set fire to the rain, my husband brought back enough Starbucks instant coffee to last me until I return to the U.S.A. one fine day.

So, I took a cold *triple expletive* shower ...

and had a latte (instantly).

#trinidad #landlord #starbucks #coffee #baby

The Beautiful Misery of Parenting

I once bought a puppy for Harley (my Chihuahua) as a means of company. That was over ten years ago and I have obviously changed my stance on buying dogs from pet stores and puppy mills. My Chihuahua is also from a pet store but I like to think that even so, I technically rescued him from a life without a king size bed, trips to the beach, shiatsu massages and other excessive means of spoiling. So I bring this “new” puppy home to meet Harley and it just wasn’t the right fit. I didn’t like what “he” did to our family of two. So I did the unthinkable and returned this sweet, innocent puppy to the pet store.

Three short weeks ago, I gave birth to a baby boy (human). There I am, in the clam position after forty-five minutes of pushing, with no drugs I might add (third world problems) and after hours of hot, steamy contractions, only to be rewarded with a bundle of baby, guts and goo on my chest. The doctor might as well have put that returned pet store puppy on my chest and said, “Okay, it’s all yours, enjoy.”

Of course, after he was cleaned up, dressed in human attire and in my husbands’ arms I loved him right away.

When you find out you are pregnant, it’s all daisies and pixie dust. Then you get a bit more pregnant and you start to think thoughts like:

Shit, this thing has to come out of my body, someway, somehow. Is it going to hurt? Nah, people do it all the time, it will be fine.

I am the apple of my husband’s eye, am I willing for some being to take a bite out of that apple?

I should have done this when I was younger. I can get used to little sleep, I was twenty-one once.

Will I really hate my husband like all my friends warned I would?

So far, this is what I have found.

Yes, it hurts! It hurts a lot. Especially when no one has accurately described the pain of a contraction. No, it is not like a bad period pain. It is more like the Devil himself blowing up a fire balloon in your abdomen and back at the same time for two straight minutes until you literally have no words, no breath, no understanding of reality. Then the Devil allows the balloon to deflate for thirty seconds and repeats for a number of hours. You pray for death to come first, totally ignoring the feelings of any loved ones you may leave behind.

The love. The love is a different kind of love. It’s worth sharing. It’s more of a sense of responsibility and as for the way your husband loves you, in my opinion, it only increases. He came, he saw, but I conquered. It is just like they say. After he sees what you go through, he really can’t ever be mad at you again in life, ever. He even let me name the baby, which we previously agreed would be his perk.

If I had done this when I was younger, I would likely have resented my husband and resented the baby. I applaud those who were and are able to birth a child before age thirty and then look after him/her. Of course it’s personal for everyone. For me, waiting until after thirty and accomplishing my life goals first only put me in a better place to care for another life. I am lucky to have what everyone is calling a “good” baby. Even so, a newborn baby needs to eat… all the time. When they wake up they need their diaper changed and need to be fed. After they are fed they need to burp. Until they burp, they cry. After the burp then need to sleep. Sometimes they cry again, and again. This process takes an hour (minimum), which means, you have about another one to two hours before this cycle repeats, and repeats and repeats. So as “good” as your baby may be, you will lose sleep. You will also cry to Adele’s “Hello” for no apparent reason, out of nowhere.

I have not hated my husband once since our baby was born. I need him. It takes a team to raise a baby. I have the best partner. Hopefully I didn’t just jinx it.

On a positive note, I no longer feel the guilt of over-caffeinating a tiny being. I stuck to my 150mg max of caffeine a day during pregnancy. I am thankful I had the time to write this blog only getting up three times to push my baby’s swing that I can’t be bothered to buy batteries for…

…And have a latte.