Getting Dressed

Men,

This post is not for you. That is, unless you plan on ever courting, seeing, dating, wooing, going steady with, asking out, picking up, befriending or marrying, a WOMAN. Here is some insight into why we (women) take so long to get dressed.

Predicament: WHERE are we going?

The where are we going predicament is tricky because we often start off at said location, which leads to location #2 and #3 and so on. So if location #3 is a nightclub we run the risk of being overdressed at dive bar #1 and #2. 

The typical solution would be that we wear flats but pack heels INCASE.

If the “oh no I haven’t been there before, what’s it like?” predicament arises, we then have to call each and every one of our friends asking what the floor is like? Is it outside? Is it slippery? Is there a covered area? Do people dance there? Do they have those big fans? Is the bathroom far? Are you wearing wedges? Are we pre-drinking? Do you think people will be in dresses or is it a jeans thing? What? Ok, I’ll just wear a skirt.

HIM: “Babe, you ready yet?”

US: “No!”

Query: WHO is going to be there?

Is it just our friends? If the answer to that is yes, then the truth is we don’t care to dress to impress. The go-to jeans and a top will do. We will also continue to "save" our previously planned outfit. NEWSFLASH BOYS: We don’t dress up for you! We dress up for the other WOMEN. What? So and so is going to be there? Ooh well you know she likes to dress up so I’m wearing my new leather leggings with that metallic top and a chunky necklace. Ok, right, cool. But wait, I also got a new pair of high waisted’s that make my legs look long and my stomach super flat. I ran like two miles today and didn't eat carbs. I'm kinda hungry though. Oh gosh, sometimes she dresses up classy though, so maybe I’ll do a sheer long-sleeved button up and roll up the sleeves halfway and just put on a dark pair of skinny jeans and heels. Stud earrings? Stud earrings for sure. What? That whole crew of girls is gonna be there? Right, tight dress for sure. I won't eat.

HIM: “Babe, you ready yet?”

US: “No, you want me to mix you another drink?” :)

The LATTE before getting dressed trap: 

“I’m so excited to go out, I love my outfit. Tonight's going to be so fun. Shots! Yeah, shots for sure. Just have to do hair and make up.” Also known as the “false high”. Miley, Bieber and Rihanna are pumping through the iPod. Also known as “getting ready music.” And no, we can’t hear you clearing your throat  and sighing out in the living room, we ain’t ready yet. Truth is, the best part of our night is that moment. We are READY! Dressed, hair did and made up.

The Pre-Drink Problem: 

We are now ready and waiting you for you to finish your 3^rd angry and impatient drink so we have one WITH you. Halfway through that drink we just go to “check" our hair/make up in the mirror. What? Red lipstick AND a smoky eye? I cannot believe I almost went out like that. (What’s happening here is that the uppers from the latte are commingling with the downers from the alcohol.) Mood shift. Maybe I should just redo my hair? Soon we are surrounded by fifteen scattered bobby pins, a sticky hairspray coated curling iron and an empty cocktail glass. We peek out of our room to find MAN ON PHONE. Slip past him and grab another drink. We have bought ourselves another 15 minutes. That second drink goes down way too good and we have now taken our hair down changed into a white tank top and fitted pair of jeans. VOILA! We are Jennifer Aniston. 

Mission accomplished.

Although we should not need a LATTE to make us feel beautiful or reassure us of our natural beauty, it is safe to say when getting dressed, it is best to avoid a second look……

……..after your latte high wears off.